You know what, I’d really love it if media outlets (esp those with power, like Radio One etc) said “no, we’re not gonna give airtime/screentime to all these popular songs and shows with content that encourages rape culture and oppression. We don’t care if the song is at number one, nope, we’re not doing it”.

Or EVEN BETTER, if they just ignored them all in the first place so they wouldn’t even get popular.

And the world would be a much better place for it. Sigh.

Discussing and dissecting things written/posted on the internet can be just as valid as discussing and dissecting things that happen “in the real world”.

Fact is the internet is such a part of people’s lives these days that something posted online can ruin someone’s life just as much as something that happens offline.

And it always makes me laugh when people are like “stop whining about what’s written on the internet and go do something worthwhile in the real world” because I’m like, a) I DO do shit in the real world, like I guess all that volunteering for a sexual violence support charity meant nothing huh and b) even if I didn’t, it doesn’t make my contribution (or anyone else’s) any less fucking valid.

And really, I wish I had more energy to debate this stuff online, because it fucking takes it out of you.

Blurgh. People are such douchebags sometimes, I can’t even deal.

Watching Beauty and the Beast for the first time in ages is really disturbing. Everything seems so… rape-culturey. I mean, it’s always obvious that Gaston is a bad bad man for trying to trap her into marriage and having her father locked up, but how is the situation with the Beast any better?? “If she doesn’t eat with me she doesn’t eat at all”…yeah, y’know, just trap a girl in your house and force her to live by your rules and of course a bit of Stockholm syndrome will kick in!

Seriously starting to see Mrs Potts as some kind of feminist icon for running the kitchen while being a single mother and undermining the patriarch by helping Belle eat.

(All of this is what happens when I am waiting for pizza…maybe I should just watch grown up tv. But it’s a good fresh reminder of how messed up Disney is that I can keep in mind when Amy gets a bit older/I have my own kids.)

I was on the bus just now, and this weird-looking guy wearing an England flag top hat(!) got on a few stops before where I get off, and he made eye contact with me and then sat in the seat right next to the door. As I got up to get off and was standing next to him he said hi, so I ignored him, because I don’t care if I’m being rude but I’ve had a long day and I don’t want to make chit chat with total strangers. So then he said “expensive tattoo?”, and then “I’ve got one there, I got it on holiday”. So I carry on ignoring him, and then I hear this carrier bag rustling and realise he’s got out of his seat and is standing behind me. He gets off the bus right after me and I start walking as fast as my legs will go. My heart is pounding because I’m obviously thinking he’s following me, and my house is only a few streets away and I’m getting freaked.

As it turns out, he crosses the road and goes up a street a couple before mine. He wasn’t following me, just a coincidence. Whether he was a creep or just a genuine chatty guy I really don’t know, but fuck rape culture for making me assume that guys like that are always out for the worst. I shouldn’t have to be afraid every time a stranger talks to me. I shouldn’t be shaking when I get into my house with the fear or what could have been. So sick of society. Ughhh. Patriarchy/rape culture screws everyone up, fucking sucks.


[I have come across this situation several times on facebook - someone (almost exclusively a straight, cis male) will ‘jokingly’ threaten to rape me or another person. How should I react to this, apart from the obvious deleting and blocking them?]

If this happened to me, I’d probably say something short about what a jackass they are, then block them. I like to get in the last word. :) If you think the person may take what you say seriously, why not mention how many people are raped and that for them it’s not a joke? Or mention that rape jokes make rape seem more socially acceptable?  If they aren’t going to take you very seriously anyway, I’d probably just mention that it’s disgusting to joke about it and they’re a douchebag. But I’m the type of person who finds it hard to hold her temper and respond calmly, so you may want to go with option #1 regardless.

Followers, any suggestions for people who come across this situation?

Yeesh.  I’d find it very hard to keep my cool in this situation.

I think I would say/do something along the lines of calling them a douchebag, hitting them with some stats about how many people are raped & how it’s not a joke, and perhaps remind them that one day someone might not take it as a joke and they might find themselves reported for threatening behaviour (hey, if it’s on Facebook it’s written and there’s a record, right?).

And then block/delete/report, obv.


I also submitted it because you can’t post links in Asks.

STFURC: I hadn’t seen it actually. I find Jezebel problematic and don’t usually read it unless someone submits something from there. Ugh though. Disgusting. And the comments on the article are horrible also. “What did she expect, going to Reddit?” Come on.

This made me cry. What the fuck is wrong with the world, seriously.

"It is difficult to believe that such a widespread violence (that girls twelve years old in the United States now stand a twenty to thirty percent chance of being violently sexually assaulted in their lifetimes) is the responsibility of a small lunatic fringe of psychopathic men. That sexual violence is so pervasive supports the view that the locus of violence against women rests squarely in the middle of what our culture defines as “normal” interactions between men and women. The numbers reiterate a reality that American women have lived with for years: sexual violence against women is part of the every-day fabric of American life."
— Allan Griswold Johnson (via sarahjune)

(Source: theoceanwithin)



[image: watercolor painting of the silhouette of a face, with paints dripping around them. on their hair is the text “coercion is not consent”]


Painted this after having a flashback one night. I’ve had PTSD for three years now, but I’ll be damned if I can’t make something beautiful come out of it.

  1. Camera: LG Electronics VX11000
"Where justice and authority let victims down, solidarity, activism, and a massive effort to create awareness will have to fill the breach."

Sarah Seltzer in an AlterNet article about rape culture and victim blaming. Obvious trigger warnings at the link. (via happyfeminist)

Relevant. Cissexism in the article was glaring though, so TW if you do check it out.

(via stfurapeculture)




Possible rape triggering below, please be advised.

“Eventual” consent is not true consent, in regards to having sex. Coercion and emotional manipulation are as bad as physical force. Anything less than 100% consent without pressure…

(Source: walking-love-incarnate)

 robevanswritingaboutmusic replied to your post: robevanswritingaboutmusic replied to your post:…

What is it about them you’re finding problematic? I’m interested to know as most of the criticism I’ve seen has just been kind of missing the point and objecting to the name…

cocobyname replied to your post: robevanswritingaboutmusic replied to your post:…

Think of it as Voting Yes to AV. It’s problematic but its a step in the right direction. By not going its sending a message out that people arent interested in the debate.

This is a very good point.  I think the problems that strike me are the fact that it can seem quite exclusive, and a lot of it depends on how you’re viewing the Slutwalks.  If you’re seeing them as a way to reclaim the word ‘slut’ then that can make them exclusive, as there are a lot of women who can’t/won’t see any value in reclaiming the word, or for whom there is no point in reclaiming it.  If you’re seeing the march as more of a sort of “this happens to all women, slut is a stupid concept, there is no such thing when it comes to sexual violence” then I guess it is more inclusive, but it is still ignoring the fact that not all victims of rape are cisgender women.

I dunno.  Problems, but like Coco said, step in the right direction probably.

Over the past few days I’ve had the displeasure of having my first ever internet “discussion” with someone who’s so blind to the need for feminism that it actually makes my skin crawl.

It started with:

What’s feminism all about these days? I thought that was all over.

And when I explained no, it’s not, because equality hasn’t been achieved yet, continued with:

Inequality in other countries, I imagine? I don’t see a problem over here. Feel free to fill me in though.

So over the next few messages I tried to explain the problems still present in British society (the gender pay gap, domestic violence, sexual violence, rape culture, society’s view of women, to name a few), pasted a few links to useful websites, etc.  Naively at this point I’m thinking that this person just maybe isn’t educated on the matter, so I’m still being quite nice and helpful.


…the only impression I’ve got from feminists these days is that they’re either wannabe warriors making problems where there are none or they’ve read too much old feminist literature, fell in love with the idea and want to get in on the action, but it’s all over so they have to - once again - pull problems out of the clear blue sky.

So, at this point, blood pressure is through the roof. I get a bit sharper:

Making problems where there are none? Did you just ignore all of what I said before?

There are a load of problems. Fucking hundreds. Are you really prepared to say that the fact that one third of teenage girls experiences sexual violence isn’t a problem? Or that of the rapes that are actually reported to the police, only 6% result in a conviction? (and just to point out - false allegations make up a tiny, tiny amount of those reported.)

You can’t just dismiss these problems because YOU view them to be nonexistent or invalid. For a whole lot of women, the inequalities of modern society are seriously fucking real.

To which he responds:

… the problem for me is, when there’s no ‘intentional inequality’, what do you feminists actually want? Women to be given their own legal power over men? Doesn’t that step outside of the equality of feminism and into the realm of superiority? If you don’t want to go into the whole thing, just pick out one example of a ‘problem’, its cause and your proposed solution.

I mean, really? Am I meant to be the all-knowing spokesperson for feminism the world over now? Am I really meant to have all the answers?

He then followed it up with this gem:

Someone asking what size your breasts are or whether you want their dick isn’t a feminist issue, hun. Some men are more ‘aggressive’ in their approach to finding sexual partners - and it’s entirely up to them whether they only want you for sex at a given time and how they go about expressing their interest in that. You’re given the option to tell them to piss off. What’s wrong with it? The man doesn’t think you’re inferior or that the only value in women is on their chest or between their legs. If you actually think that’s how men think, you’re either very misguided, seriously misunderstand men or just want there to be a sexist motive. At the same time, you’re not entitled to be treated like a goddess or a little princess - people aren’t required by divine law to talk to you like the sun shines out of your arse. So again, what have they done wrong?

What you were saying about rape before is also nothing to do with inequality. Men are more sexually-driven, more aggressive due to their hormones and if the psychological conditions were in place, they’d feel more confident due to their physical strength to go out and rape someone. Again, nothing sexist. It’d be sexist if the law allowed men to rape women, but it doesn’t. Again, if you seriously think the legal system lets rapists off because it’s all run by men who think that other men should do what they like, you seriously misunderstand law or have been importing your material from the Arab world. If there’s no evidence, you don’t jail someone. That’s how the law works… and rightly so. Unfortunately, rape is one of those things that’s hard to prove - especially when it takes people so long to supposedly build up the confidence to report it.

Would you like to give any other examples for me to comment on? I’ll remind you again that I’ve heard it all and argued with it all, but feel free to try me.

I’m all for equality of all kinds. Women, people of varying races and gays have all been given a hard time in the past, but you seriously all need to let it go. And please… please start an argument about racism because that’s another one I love to get my hands around.

(my emphasis throughout)

By this point my head is pretty much red raw from smacking it against the wall.  I’ve responded with a few choice words, links, and stats, but I’ve signed off by saying I don’t want to discuss it any longer. 

We “all need to let it go”? Oh, alright then mate.  Thanks for the permission there.

(I apologise for the length of this post, btw.)

I just find it so hard to comprehend how people cannot see the blatant facts when they’re waved in front of their faces.

So angry right now.  I need to go and eat a biscuit and calm down.  Possibly by making an effigy of this jerk and punching it square in the nose.