Over the past few days I’ve had the displeasure of having my first ever internet “discussion” with someone who’s so blind to the need for feminism that it actually makes my skin crawl.
It started with:
What’s feminism all about these days? I thought that was all over.
And when I explained no, it’s not, because equality hasn’t been achieved yet, continued with:
Inequality in other countries, I imagine? I don’t see a problem over here. Feel free to fill me in though.
So over the next few messages I tried to explain the problems still present in British society (the gender pay gap, domestic violence, sexual violence, rape culture, society’s view of women, to name a few), pasted a few links to useful websites, etc. Naively at this point I’m thinking that this person just maybe isn’t educated on the matter, so I’m still being quite nice and helpful.
Until…
…the only impression I’ve got from feminists these days is that they’re either wannabe warriors making problems where there are none or they’ve read too much old feminist literature, fell in love with the idea and want to get in on the action, but it’s all over so they have to - once again - pull problems out of the clear blue sky.
So, at this point, blood pressure is through the roof. I get a bit sharper:
Making problems where there are none? Did you just ignore all of what I said before?
There are a load of problems. Fucking hundreds. Are you really prepared to say that the fact that one third of teenage girls experiences sexual violence isn’t a problem? Or that of the rapes that are actually reported to the police, only 6% result in a conviction? (and just to point out - false allegations make up a tiny, tiny amount of those reported.)
You can’t just dismiss these problems because YOU view them to be nonexistent or invalid. For a whole lot of women, the inequalities of modern society are seriously fucking real.
To which he responds:
… the problem for me is, when there’s no ‘intentional inequality’, what do you feminists actually want? Women to be given their own legal power over men? Doesn’t that step outside of the equality of feminism and into the realm of superiority? If you don’t want to go into the whole thing, just pick out one example of a ‘problem’, its cause and your proposed solution.
I mean, really? Am I meant to be the all-knowing spokesperson for feminism the world over now? Am I really meant to have all the answers?
He then followed it up with this gem:
Someone asking what size your breasts are or whether you want their dick isn’t a feminist issue, hun. Some men are more ‘aggressive’ in their approach to finding sexual partners - and it’s entirely up to them whether they only want you for sex at a given time and how they go about expressing their interest in that. You’re given the option to tell them to piss off. What’s wrong with it? The man doesn’t think you’re inferior or that the only value in women is on their chest or between their legs. If you actually think that’s how men think, you’re either very misguided, seriously misunderstand men or just want there to be a sexist motive. At the same time, you’re not entitled to be treated like a goddess or a little princess - people aren’t required by divine law to talk to you like the sun shines out of your arse. So again, what have they done wrong?
What you were saying about rape before is also nothing to do with inequality. Men are more sexually-driven, more aggressive due to their hormones and if the psychological conditions were in place, they’d feel more confident due to their physical strength to go out and rape someone. Again, nothing sexist. It’d be sexist if the law allowed men to rape women, but it doesn’t. Again, if you seriously think the legal system lets rapists off because it’s all run by men who think that other men should do what they like, you seriously misunderstand law or have been importing your material from the Arab world. If there’s no evidence, you don’t jail someone. That’s how the law works… and rightly so. Unfortunately, rape is one of those things that’s hard to prove - especially when it takes people so long to supposedly build up the confidence to report it.
Would you like to give any other examples for me to comment on? I’ll remind you again that I’ve heard it all and argued with it all, but feel free to try me.
I’m all for equality of all kinds. Women, people of varying races and gays have all been given a hard time in the past, but you seriously all need to let it go. And please… please start an argument about racism because that’s another one I love to get my hands around.
(my emphasis throughout)
By this point my head is pretty much red raw from smacking it against the wall. I’ve responded with a few choice words, links, and stats, but I’ve signed off by saying I don’t want to discuss it any longer.
We “all need to let it go”? Oh, alright then mate. Thanks for the permission there.
(I apologise for the length of this post, btw.)
I just find it so hard to comprehend how people cannot see the blatant facts when they’re waved in front of their faces.
So angry right now. I need to go and eat a biscuit and calm down. Possibly by making an effigy of this jerk and punching it square in the nose.
![ninapedia:
dahlias-y-rosas:
[image: watercolor painting of the silhouette of a face, with paints dripping around them. on their hair is the text “coercion is not consent”]
fuckyeahconsent:
Painted this after having a flashback one night. I’ve had PTSD for three years now, but I’ll be damned if I can’t make something beautiful come out of it.](http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ln0vk5BfYq1qi11voo1_500.jpg)
